


I Didn't Mean To

by goldenshell



Series: You're Safe with Me Because of Me [2]
Category: MandoPony - Fandom, NateWantsToBattle - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Criminals, Anger, Criminal AU, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, hurt/slight comfort, somewhat fluff, tw blood, tw death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 08:15:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17422223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenshell/pseuds/goldenshell
Summary: Andy can't help but get mad when it feels like he doesn't have a say. He didn't mean to kill her. He didn't mean to. He wasn't thinking straight. He tries not to let his anger get the better of him. He doesn't want to lose everyone around him.





	I Didn't Mean To

“I said I'm not taking time off work,” Andy snapped as he turned to face Nate. He was pacing about the kitchen, running his hands through his hair, fiddling with his shirt. Doing anything to keep his hands busy. If Sabrina was there she would have grabbed his hands to make him stop.

Why did he have to do that to her? Why did she have to start shouting?

Just yesterday Sabrina had passed. Not through natural causes, no, she had gotten into a fight with Andy. She wanted to take a short break but Andy didn’t want to. He didn't want her to leave. He wanted to try and work it out. But she kept insisting they needed to try. And Andy was not having it.

They had gone from a calm discussion about it, to fighting, to shouting. Andy tried to stay calm. He tried the deep breathing exercise Nate had taught him - Sabrina didn't like dealing with his anger, so Nate usually helped him - but it wasn't working. When she started for the front hall, Andy finally snapped. She was in arm’s length and he was beyond furious at this point. He grabbed her by the shirt, yanking her towards him before shoving her back. As she stumbled backwards, she hit her head on the cabinet. He stepped forward and grabbed her by the jaw, and in a panic she started to squirm and beg him to let her go. But he was too far gone for her words to reach him. He was mad and he was going to handle that anger.

He threw her head back again, making her hit it hard enough that she started to bleed. As she slowly sunk to the floor, Andy took a step back and glared down at her. He looked around and saw the kitchen knife still resting on the cutting board.

After he grabbed it, he couldn't remember much of what happened. He just remembered being so angry then he wasn't as angry and was just staring down at her, he didn't mean to do that. _He didn't mean to do that._ **_He didn't mean to do that._**

In a panic he ran. He went to Nate's, the only other person he trusted. He told him what happened and Nate just calmed him down. He reassured him he would be alright. Andy didn't believe him, but Nate just kept saying it, and soon he had calmed down. At least for a bit.

But that was yesterday. Before Nate had left to do something, Andy couldn't remember what, he thinks it was to get groceries. Now here they were, fighting.

Nate stood in the doorway, rubbing the bridge of his nose, “You _need_ to. That's what most people do when they lose someone. Plus you might give yourself away.” Nate was getting tired of this bickering. He had suggested Andy take time off so he wouldn't seem suspicious, he’s worked on enough cases where someone loses a person they love to know that most all people take at least one day off right after. But Andy was refusing, saying he needed the busy work.

“I said no!”

“Andrew-” Nate started softly, a slightly annoyed tone to his voice.

“No!” Andy shouted as he lunged at Nate and grabbed him by the throat. He shoved him against the wall, knocking the air out of Nate. That caught Nate off guard, and not in a pleasant way.

He grabbed Andy’s wrists and tried to pry his hands off his throat, Andy just pushing him harder against the wall. Nate could just barely get air in his lungs and it was even harder to speak, “Bre...athe.”

“I'm not taking a break,” he growled at Nate. He tightened his grip as much as he could before it went loose as he was kneed. He pulled one hand away to grab his stomach as he doubled over.

Nate gasped as he was finally able to get air into his lungs. He turned his gaze down to Andy, it was much colder than it normally was, Nate looked like he was ready to do the exact same thing Andy did to him in retaliation. Andy still had his hand on Nate’s throat, but it wasn't tight enough to cut off oxygen.

Nate grabbed Andy by the jaw and yanked his head up so he was looking at him. “Take deep breaths,” he hissed at him. “In,” Nate said as he did it along with Andy, “out. In.” After a few long, deep breaths, Andy’s hand relaxed and he pulled it away from Nate’s throat. It was shaking slightly as he held it to his chest, grabbing it with his other hand.

Andy slowly sank to his knees, his breathing slow but shaky. Two shaky intakes then a quick exhale. Nate’s grip on Andy’s jaw disappeared as he moved away from the other. Nate seemed like he was going to say something to Andy but didn't. He just turned and left the room.

Andy sat there silently, body shaking as what happened hit him. He almost killed Nate. His closest friend - he would have liked to call him his boyfriend but Sabrina had not been okay with Andy being polyamorous, so they were friends - who agreed to let him stay after he told him he killed Sabrina.

He heard a door open and slam shut, and then nothing. The house was empty. Nate must be going to turn him in. Why didn't he just stay with Sabrina and let himself be found out, then he wouldn't have almost- Andy didn't even want to finish thinking that thought.

\--

When Nate returned, Andy was lying curled up on the couch, his face buried in the cushions, body still shaking.

Nate stared at him for a few before letting out a soft sigh and asking, “Are you alright?”

Andy flinched when he heard Nate. Moving to glance at him. He laid back on his side as he whispered, “I’m sorry, Nate. I'm so sorry.” _I shouldn't have let my anger get the better of me._ He would have voiced that last bit out loud, but he could barely bring himself to talk, the whispers of sorry being all he could manage.

He felt the couch shift as Nate sat down next to his head. He closed his eyes as he felt Nate’s fingers comb through his hair. “It’s fine. Try not to let it happen again,” he said, “I'd much rather spend more time with you alive than as a ghost.”

That got a weak laugh from Andy as he glanced up at him. “I'm sorry I hurt you, I just don't want to stop working at the music store.” He moved to lay his head in Nate’s lap, closing his eyes again as Nate continued to brush his fingers through his hair.

“I never said you have to. But taking a day or two off would be best,” Nate reassured him, “Especially after everything that's happened.”

“Alright.”

Nate leaned over so he could press a kiss to Andy’s forehead, “I love you, okay? I just want you to be safe.”

They sat there quietly for a while, Andy was laying so still it almost seemed like he fell asleep. But he didn’t, and that was made clear when he moved so he could look at Nate when he asked, “Will you go out with me? Sabrina didn’t want me asking, but she’s not here anymore.”

Nate let out a soft laugh of his own, “Sure, Andy.” He leaned over to kiss Andy on the forehead again. “Just don’t be bragging about it for a bit. You need to act sad so people don’t get suspicious about how you started dating me so soon after Sabrina died.”

Andy frowned as he was reminded what happened, “How long do you think until they try to question me?”

“Probably today or tomorrow. Just remember, you don’t know she’s dead yet. When they tell you, you have to pretend to be upset, okay?”

Andy nodded as he turned back onto his side, Nate smiled down at him as he leaned back into the couch. He’ll have to be more mindful of Andy when he gets angry than he originally thought. But he likes him, so he’ll learn how to keep Andy under control.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: While I do ship Andy and Nate, I know they aren't gay. I ship their personalities, not them as people. I could easily change the character names in this to different names and the story would be the same. Or I could just exclude the tags that gave away who Nate and Andy were since the names are so generic. But I'm not doing that is because it's based on the personas they put on when online as well as so others who might ship them can find this. (It's so rare to find Andy/Nate.)


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